Young ladies of high school or college age, learn to be His Girl

JZone, being a great youth group in the business of changing young lives, has a great event for high school and college age girls, called Becoming His Girl

Our mentors: Doc Allan and ate Blessie Melicor

Indeed, young girls today are under such ridiculous pressure to conform, to look a certain way, and to prematurely give their hearts away to some guy (partly in infatuation, partly because their friends are also doing so), and surely they need wisdom to put all this in perspective.

Here’s the perspective: bottom line, there’s only One Person you should aim to please, One Person who you ultimately give your heart to.  Young ladies, strive, ultimately, to be His Girl.

The special guest who will guide our young ladies to be His Girl is Blessie Melicor.  She’s a very lovely woman who serves as a mentor to my wife and to so many other ladies in our church, CCF-CDO.  My wife (and I) look up to her greatly, and definitely JZone couldn’t have picked a better resource speaker for Becoming His Girl. 

So, if you have college or high school aged young ladies in your house or in your acquaintance, please do make sure they come to CCF-CDO this Friday for JZone's event.  It’s a fantastic community for young people, including young girls, to grow in friendships and to grow in the Lord.

My daughter, Lynn, LOVES the JZone community, and I’m so blessed how she’s being discipled by so many wonderful “kuyas” and “ates”.  When so many young people are so passionate for God, I can’t help but smile and have my eyes tear up. 

Traits of real men, and they’re getting rare nowadays

 One of the funniest and most popular status messages on my Facebook timeline is actually Biblical advice geared towards single young ladies.  It goes something like this:

"To all the girls who are in a hurry to have a boyfriend or get married, a piece of Biblical advice: ‘Ruth patiently waited for her mate Boaz.’ While you are waiting on YOUR Boaz, don’t settle for any of his relatives; Broke-az, Po-az, Lyin-az, Cheating-az, Dumb-az, Drunk-az, Cheap-az, Lockedup-az, Goodfornothing-az, Lazy-az, and especially his third cousin Beatinyo-az. Wait on your Boaz and make sure he respects Yoaz."

I don’t care who you are, that’s funny!  But at the same time, it’s also a bit serious, and not just to the ladies, but to the men. 

This was further emphasized when a former student of mine, who just entered his first weeks of college, came back to the school to visit.  I’m honored that he sees me as more than a mere teacher, but as a personal mentor, and he tells me everything from ambitions to fears to observations to secrets.  This is what he said after he experienced his first week of college life:

“You know, Mr. Carlo, the guys in my class talk about what being a man is, and for them it’s about the ability to drink lots of alcohol and stuff like that.  I wanna show them what real manhood is…based on what the Bible says.”

I can’t get the words exactly right, but that’s the basics of what he said.  While I was proud of him that he said so (influencing the character of young people: one reason I love my job, hehe), I felt sad that there are so few guys like that and they’re getting fewer all the time.  While I’m confident he can successfully go against the flow, it’s a pretty big flow….like, Amazon river flow.   

Another humorous blog post that has gone to the dogs

The “Please don’t TEASE your dog” post is now officially my most popular blog entry…by far, too.  I guess Lessons Of A Dad has gone to the dogs after all.    Well, I hope you appreciate another animal-based humor piece, but this one has a little more to do with what this site is all about: 

A man wrote to Dear Abby some time ago. He said:

“Dear Abby: I am in love and I am having an affair with two different women. I can’t marry them both. Please tell me what to do, but don’t give me any of that morality stuff.”

You’d love Abby’s answer:

“Dear Sir: The only difference between humans and animals is morality. Please write to a veterinarian.”

Reading that made me laugh…but the topic isn’t funny.  The fastest way to end a conversation with me is to brag about how much a “playa” you are. 

My mom is a woman, my wife is a woman, and I have two beautiful daughters…and I get pretty pissed off when someone dares to treat womanhood in a trashy way.

Maybe it’s because I violated womanhood in my own way, which I share here.  In that same post, I share my favorite books and resources in helping you treat women the way they should be treated.   They’re must haves in any single man’s library…or any single person’s library, period.

A great example of a great boyfriend…and being so in a lust filled world

If, by reading the title, you haven’t guessed it yet, this particular blog post is geared to my single friends who are currently dating or plan to date in the near future.  If you belong to the group I just mentioned, please look long and hard at this young man’s heartfelt statements below.  It is a young man’s commitment to treat his girlfriend in the most honorable way.  How is your heart compared to his? 

• The parents of my girlfriend place their trust in me. I will not violate it.
• I will respect my girlfriend as I expect other men to respect my sister.
• I will respect womanhood, because my mother is a woman.
• I will ask my girlfriend to do nothing I would be ashamed of if my mother found it out.
• My girlfriend has given me the honor and pleasure of her company. It is wrong for me to expect more in payment for this date.
• My girlfriend will be a wife and mother someday. She must be an example to her children and the pride of her husband. I will help her to be as pure and decent as I want my wife to be.
• Manhood means strength of character as well as body. Lack of self-control is a sign of weakness. I want my girlfriend to know that I am manly.
• God is everywhere, sees everything, knows everything. Darkness may hide me from people, but it cannot hide me from God.

When I think of my bachelor years, oh how far I have fallen from this standard!  But man, I pray, pray hard, that the men who pursue Lynn and Mesoo will be just like him.  I pray even harder that Happy will be this kind of man, himself.  And I pray that the men who currently pursue my sisters in law and my cousins are this kind of men, too. 

In fact, I regret my past actions in this area so strongly that I have made it my mission to nurture younger men and women in my circle of influence to be like the man above.  If there’s a niche in ministry that I specialize in and strongly advocate, it’s boy-girl relationships.  Just ask my current and former students, as many of the books below are required reading in The Abba’s Orchard Erdkinder.

Ok, so do I have any recommended reading for you if you are struggling with temptation in this area, or if you have a child that does?  Yes.  Read on…and click on the links to purchase them easily online.

Well, if you’re a teenager and/or a student, I strongly believe that it is not wise to get in a romantic relationship, period.  It does not honor you nor the lady you’re pursuing.  I have good reasons why this is so, but that’s a whole other blog post altogether.  But the best book I can recommend on why I say this is Joshua Harris’ I Kissed Dating Goodbye.  Mr. Harris is such a gifted author, and his reflections and advice are so powerful and practical.  You will not look at your teenage years in the area of romance the same way again.  If you’re a youth pastor or youth leader, I’d advise you to get the small group study guide while you’re at it.  I have both, and I’m not afraid to use them extensively both in ministry and professionally (and my boss is all for it, too)

Now, if you know you’re ready to have a relationship and you’d like to be as honorable as the one above, I recommend another one of Joshua Harris’ books, his best in my opinion: Boy Meets Girl.  It’s his most inspiring work because, as one of my former students said, “it so clearly shows the blessings we receive if this relationship thing is pursued the right way.”  Amen.  It is very romantic, and yet very, very practical as well.  I so wish I had this book when I was younger…and if I can give every single, especially every single man, a copy of this book without appearing preachy or offensive, I would.  


A book that Joshua Harris often quotes is Elizabeth Elliot’s Passion and Purity.  I personally haven’t read it, but some of my former students have, and say it’s also a must read.  If Joshua Harris reveres the author and her work, then that’s enough for me.







Another book that my students, who pursue this purity even after they leave my care, rave about is When God Writes Your Love Story by Eric and Leslie Ludy.  My students who read it bugged me once to include it in the Literature curriculum.  They say it’s at or nearly as influential to them as Harris’ work.  One day (read: summer vacation) I’ll read it and see if they’re right.  But I trust them enough to include it here on the list of must have books.



Ok, what if you’re still single, but, like me, have messed up and would like to redeem yourself in the area of sexual purity.  Hey, we all make mistakes…and there’s a book that’s perfect for you: Eros Redeemed.  Basically, it talks about how you can have forgiveness and hope when you messed up in this area…and trust me, a lot of us mess up in this area.




In fact, if your particular struggle is in the area of lust, be it in a relationship or no, then by all means get another one of Joshua Harris’ books, Sex is Not the Problem (Lust is).  I agree with him that lust is the biggest problem in young people today, and this book is excellent in tackling this topic.  This is definitely one of the strongest influences to my students’ lives as well (although here in the Philippines, it still goes by it’s old title, Not Even A Hint).

Btw, this book also has a study guide…or guides. Of course, lust is a sensitive topic, so for Sex is Not the Problem, there’s a guy version and a girl version for the study guides.



Sex Is Not the Problem (Lust Is) – A Study Guide for Men
Sex Is Not the Problem (Lust Is) – A Study Guide for Women

Anyway, so I hope you take this blog entry to heart.  God bless you in pursuing purity in an impure world.

Teens who wait…and how yours could be one of them.

I remember, during a reunion with college friends, a conversation when they were telling me how appalled they were to see two very young teens just fresh out of puberty making-out in the movie theater.  According to my friends, those two were just all over each other like you wouldn’t believe, and they were maybe 12 or 13 years old.

They were telling me that teens today are way out of control.  Well, teens needed to put on the brakes during my day as well, not just today.  Hey, I became a dad at a very young age, so I should know.  And how easy for my friends to forget that they were teens once, and maybe they had their own struggles in this area, and not just in movie theatres.  Heck, some of them still need someone to put the brakes on them today, but that’s another story.

But, yeah, I agree with my friends in that we feel technology and media has made teens today less disciplined in keeping their hands, lips, and other parts to themselves than in previous generations.

However, all is not lost.

One girl my church’s high school youth ministry has promised her dad that the first kiss she will ever have will be with her husband on the altar.  Her “you may now kiss the bride” will be kiss #1.

Another teen girl in the same church, who lives apart from her parents, told them “I will not give my heart to any man until you give me your approval.”

Another girl, also living apart from her parents, not only is choosing to wait, but has gone on and mentored her dorm-mates who have fallen to pieces because of relationships they shouldn’t have had.

These are just three of many such breath-of-fresh-air statements; both made a few years ago but today are kept as strong as if they were said yesterday.  By the way, these are not girls who have faces only their mothers could love.  All three girls are actually very pretty, with looks and personalities that would attract any guy.

Oh, and don’t think it’s only the girls who are making a stand like they are.  My favorite testimony of all time in this topic is from a teen guy.  I wish I could tell it here, but as of the time this is published, I failed to ask his permission to share his (quite personal) story…and it’s such a beautiful story of conviction, wisdom, patience, and, I believe, genuine affection (How much did he love her?  He loved her so much that he chose not to pursue…man, it’s sooo nice).

Anyway, so what is the difference between the out of control, newly post-pubescent pair liplocking at the movie theatre and the examples I mentioned?  I saw two common denominators.

One, all of the teens I mentioned had fathers who were willing to mentor them in walking the right path, especially in this area.  I know so, because I know their fathers quite well, and I know what kind of men they are.  These men know that their first disciples are their families, and they take to raising their children very seriously.  I look up to all of them very much and I hope I can parent my two daughters and youngest boy as well as they did their own children.

Second, and this is just as important in my opinion, is that all these teens were part of a youth ministry.  These activities are true gems in not only molding a teen’s character, but in getting together like minded young people, with the result being some fantastic camaraderie and mutual growth that cannot be achieved when alone (a lone ranger is a dead ranger).

It also gives them a big brother/sister role model that they could look up to and emulate.  My wife and I had the pleasure of playing that role for all of the teens mentioned above except for the 2^nd, who goes to the same church but in a different city.

I remember, when my students were still doing Alex Lacson’s book (see my previous blog on a BUY PINOY experiment), my final project was for them to submit their very own “12 Little Things Every Filipino TEEN Can Do For Our Country.”  A great number of them included joining a youth ministry as part of their 12 things.  I couldn’t agree more, especially if said ministry has the guts to tackle this topic head on.

And there are so many great churches with great youth ministries to choose from.

The church that I go to, Christ’s Commission Fellowship (CCF) has T.E.E.N.S. for high school youth and T.O.U.C.H. College for the college youth.  To tackle sex and relationships, they just had their “Love Dare” event to great success and they will launch “True Love Waits” very soon.

(2012 note:  CCF’s youth ministry is now called JZONE ELEVATE)

Some of the most ministry-oriented and active Christian students in the school I teach in belong to GCAF’s Inside Out.  It is a fantastic youth group where, if my students are any indication, young people are molded really, really well.  They also do “True Love Waits”.

The school also has some wonderful people from Victory Christian Fellowship (VCF) visit from time to time for leadership and personality training.  These guys belong to VCF’s youth ministry, Lifebox, and they just had an event called “Love, Sex, and Kwek-Kwek” (what a cute name, and they served 400 pcs of the heralded street food that night) to great success as well.  The students love their weekly visits and have a blast with these awesome guys.

So readers, if you really care about your child’s purity (in both body and mind), I feel that you need to be a real mentor to your child, especially in sensitive areas like love and sex; and you need to get them in an environment where they can grow socially and spiritually, so that it partners with you in your parenting journey.  Pick any of the youth groups above for that.  In CDO, these three are among the best.

Well, this was a long one, but I hope you got a lot out of it.  Now, I’m gonna ask those Lifebox guys if they have any spare kwek-kwek left.  I love me some kwek-kwek!